Monday, December 25, 2017

5 Really Good Reasons To Kick a Unicorn in the Face as Stated by Your Drunk Uncle

Unicorns. Why the hell are they so great huh? Did a unicorn ever get a job and pay the light bill? Did a unicorn ever cure a disease? Or fix the clog in the bathroom sink? Hell no they didn't, cuz if they did, they would have my respect, and there wouldn't be Five f#$king reasons to kick unicorns in the face....... 

Image result for unicorn smiling

What the hell are you smiling about now? What? You think that you know something I don't and now you're better than me?

Well I got news for you unicorn, you ain't better than me. I might make a lot of mistakes but you ain't perfect either with that sharp horn thing on your head. Yea I'll bet you hurt a lot of people playing "leapfrog" as a kid you piece of shit.

Image result for unicorn mean
Oh, now you think you can fight huh unicorn. Well you if you're looking for a fight, you got it.

Just not right now because I got a bad knee, but after I get better, you better starting hoofing on outta town you hear me? Huh? Do you unicorn? Cause hell hath no fury like a women's er I mean....I'll kick your face in, Unicorn, that's all you need to know.

Ohhhh, here he comes now, Mr. "I'm so great because I run across rainbows and shit frozen yogurt from my butt."

Seriously? Who cares?

As far as I'm concerned, and everyone agrees with me, unicorns may as well be skinny white rhinos, yea I said it....rhinos!!

Image result for unicorn rich

And what are unicorns doing exactly to try to raise taxes for our lower-middle class families? 

Well, you gotta ask yourself, what are they doing to lower taxes for these folks?

Not a damn thing, I repeat, not a damn thing.

Reason number Five? What the hell do ya need five reasons for, huh? What, just cuz the name of the post says five reasons, I have to give you ALL five? Pssst, well I don't have five reasons alright, I'm a little short ok? 

Don't look at me like that, like you ain't never been short on anything like the lot rent for YOUR trailer, well guess what, I was paying on the trailer and the lot rent at the same time, how the hell is a guy supposed to support himself if he has to pay for both? Huh? Why don't you tell me that one "Mr. Where's My Fifth Reason to Kick a Unicorn in the Face?"

You want a fifth reason? I'll give you one. One time when I was 14, and your Dad was 12, he needed help with his Algebra History thing, and who was there to help him? Not you, cause you don't care about anything. Not like me, I care about everything that's out there for a guy to care about that's good, and YOU are no where to be zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.zzzzzzzz (drops a half drank bottle of alcohol on the ground, and the bottle breaks with half a dozen children present that he was supposed to be babysitting). -EE

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